She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
