she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
