i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
