It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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