Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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