great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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