So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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