Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
