I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
