Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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