he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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