im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
