Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I did not marry a roomba.
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