Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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