Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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