It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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