Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
