I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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