Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
