so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
