Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
