The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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