Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
