Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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