youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
