Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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