I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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