I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
