Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
This toilet bowl is my home.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
