It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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