how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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