I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
