can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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