idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
