Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
false alarm. still invincible.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
