this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
