Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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