my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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