Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
third nipple confirmed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
