i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
