gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wish my penis had a tongue
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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