that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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