There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
