Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
