haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
