Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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