I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
