OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
