So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just high enough for therapy.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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