Got a toothbrush?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
