Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
