Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
